Wednesday, 21 September 2016

My Parenting/Friendship CV for the mums at the schoolgate

Personal Information
Kerry Norris
1985 - I may be 31 but in my head i'm still early 20's
Casa Del Norris 

Personal Statement
When it comes to being a mum I may not be Martha Stewart or Mary Poppins but what I will say is I know I am fantastic at it. I am not perfect and I don't always get it right but I know I am the best mum I can be.
I may not cook them healthy/nutritious meals everyday but at least they eat. 
I may not be able to craft (even though I try, I really do), I seriously haven't got the patience for it but my pinterest profile is full of the most fantastic ideas so I have all the best intentions. 
My house is a shit tip. Let's face it, with 2 adults, 2 small kids and a dog it is never going to be sparkling. It's messy but it's lived in! 
I take pride in my appearance. Some days I am out of the house not only scrubbed, hair clean but I may have make up on but then there are somedays when you know to just look at me and don't even ask. They are known as 'child has had an epic tantrum days' and I may or may not be sipping wine out of my flask pretending it's tea. In fact I have a flask that says 'there's a rather large chance this is wine' on the front. You have been warned, so don't judge.
Speaking of appearance I may often be at the gate without a coat on. It'll probably be on the days when it's freezing or chucking it down with rain but that's because trying to get my child out of the house in the morning is sometimes as stressful as trying to take your drunk friend home from a night out. Honestly, the slowest, hardest thing ever. I spend so much time coaxing her out of the door (not that she doesn't want to go to school she's just fussy and obviously has to take a million and one insignificant things with her) that I forget anything I need. But hey, I made it out of the house with 2 kids in tow before 9am! What an achievement.

As a friend I am supportive, I will always be there for you if you need me. I think i'm rather funny, so if you ever need a good giggle and a cheering up session, you can always count on me to bring the fun. 
I'm a good listener, if ever you want a talk, I am your woman. 
Speaking of talking that is something I do a lot of. Quite often you find you won't be able to get a word in edgeways but I mean well so don't let that put you off. If ever there's awkward silences, I will be the one to break them.
I'm always on my phone (don't judge me) so I am free for what's app group messages of any kind especially the kind when you need some mum support and somewhere to vent in private! 

Education, qualifications and Training History
Learning life skills since 1985
Parenting since 2013
Daughter age 3.5 also going on 18
2nd daughter aged 10 months

Logistics coordinator:
I can navigate myself around city centre shops or Aldi with a baby in a carrier, a trolley or a basket and a small child hanging off me somewhere. 
I can work out where each child needs to be on a daily basis with the help of my diary, my calendar, my school diary (yes i have 2 diaries), my phone calendar and many, many lists.

Shit stains on a white rug? I am your gal. I can polish that out of there in no time. Complete expert at that. Red wine on the carpet? Once again you know who to call. 
I'm not just an expert at stains, I can make clothes, toys and any other items vanish in 5 minutes (just don't look in my study when you come over).

Have you noticed your child has every emotion and feeling under the sun, pretty much every day. If i'd have taken a degree in this I would have come out with a first class honours with the amount of troubles I have to deal with. I can always manage to get a smile on their little faces though and make the baddies go away.

As previously mentioned, I may not give them home cooked food everyday but I am one hell of a batch cooker, I can dash to the supermarket in no time at all and pick something up and if all other efforts have failed then my freezer is never without a box of fish fingers. 

I can read books, count to 10 in a couple of languages, sing and dance, teach life and social skills and I have a wonderful, creative imagination to make up stories on the spot.

I am solely responsible in taking my kids everywhere. However, on a night out never ask me to drive. I am never the driver! You'll understand why when you get to know me better.

I am the mum boss! Call me what you like, warrior, head of the tribe or leader of the pack. I run this house. 

Key Skills
Punctual - I may be late for a date but hey I have 2 little kids. Just getting there is a bonus

Reliable - I genuinely am reliable. I will do anything for anyone. However, I tend to have a habit of answering texts in my head and not actually sending them so if I don't get back to you for a few days, give me a nudge and don't get offended.

Wine drinker - Yes I did just list this as a key skill. I have the ability to polish off a bottle in 10 minutes.

Confidence - If I put my mind to anything I can achieve it...eventually.

Dynamic - I get on with all sorts of people. 

Initiative - I can take the initiative to arrange meet ups. If you want a mums night out, I can be on the case quicker than Usain Bolt can run 100 metres.

Hobbies and Interests
I love a playdate. Anything to keep me entertained whilst attempting to entertain the girls is a gift from above. This whole parenting thing can be very lonely at times and adult conversation is much needed.

Pass the Rioja and I shall drink it. If you need wine, I will be there with not 1 but 2 bottles in hand. I love the stuff. I'm very passionate about my reds and I have been known to drink on a school night. Shhhh don't tell.

I am a self proclaimed shopaholic. If you want to know where to get your next outfit for a special occasion or where is selling the nicest school shoes etc, come to me. I can shop till I drop.

I love the cinema. It's dark and perfect for a sneaky snooze. No seriously, I do love the cinema.

Mum dates:
There is nothing I find more exciting than a mum date with no kids. Us mamas need to stick together and have some adult/me time for our own sanity.

Believe it or not but I do like exercise. If you need a fitness buddy, please take me. I need the support and motivation.

So there you have it mums. I hope my CV hasn't put you off and you are just like me?! I hope you accept my application to be your friend.



  1. What a brilliant CV! Now if only we shared the same school-gate, I'd hire you on the spot ;)

  2. Well I'd offer you the job! If only for your expertise in cleaning and stains ;) xx

  3. this is a brilliant idea! I feel like I need to be like 'I am really funny and kind' to the other mums. They all seem to know each other?! x

  4. Aw, I'd hire you as my school gate mummy friend. We would get along soooooo well. My house is also a shit tip and there are days I also do the school run with no coat. Least of my worries to be honest some days! xxx

  5. I love this! It made me chuckle, love that your hobbies include wine! I always forget my coat too, always on the days it rains too! xx

  6. Oh I love this! What a great read, definitely cheered up a gloomy day

  7. Must have been fun to write. I sometimes think about how I'd add my parent skills to my CV, particularly working to unique time pressure and ability to prioritise competing demands of external stakeholders :)

  8. Such a cute post, I'd surely hire you as a parenting friend if it was me. It must be so tough to make friends at the school gates, I always envisage it like it is in movies with cliques of mums x

  9. Oh this is just brilliant Kerry and such a fun read...i'd offer you the job on the spot! lol xx

  10. I know where to come now for expert stain removal! Love this, wish we lived closer, you sound lovely and so much fun

  11. Oh Kerry - definitely! I am a bit lonely at the school gate after having quite a few years break from it! Kaz x

  12. Love this CV, you'd definitely get the job based on the amount of times you mentioned wine! Girl after my own heart :)

  13. Great cv, lots of talents that us mums forget about xx

  14. Of you can replace the wine with any short, I'm in! Xx

  15. Brilliant CV, this should be a thing on the first day of school

  16. Oh this is fabulous! Love it!

  17. That's pretty awesome and it's good to see someone that isn't lying on their CV either haha ;)

  18. I actually think you should send this to some companies looking to hire people to see the response, you cant get more honest than this x

  19. This post made lol. What a brilliant Cv.

  20. My CV to a tee!! Saying that, I actually need to update mine

  21. This made me giggle. I think we are mostly in the same boat although there is the odd Mary Poppins sort too.

  22. What a great post! Loved reading this, hehe :)

  23. Haha brilliant.Cheered me up on a dull grey Monday :)

  24. Haha great read!! This reminds me of someone else.... Oh yes me!! You're definitely hired :) xx

  25. Sooo glad I just saw this post after seeing you on twitter as this was me this morning!! No jacket and was freezing, getting one to school and the other amused in the pram while i grabbed anything else that was needed! Same age as you also but feel much younger than other mums at the school gates, don't know why maybe it's my mind! Also get very excited about a playdate and even more so if my youngest falls asleep so i can run to the nearest place for cake hehe. A good read thanks!

    1. We sound very similar. Glad it made you chuckle x

  26. Congratulations. You've got the job! :) If there's one thing being a parent needs, it's a good sense of humour :)

  27. This is amazing!! All mum's need to hand these out at the school gate haha

  28. Absolutely love this .... particularly running like Usain Bolt! Hilarious!!

  29. Fantastic post!! Loved how you've written it out like a CV style :)

  30. Love the CV very much. It is very interesting and yes your application is accepted to be my friend. Nice Post..loved it very much :)

  31. Ha, this is brilliant! If only all CV's were like this :) x

  32. I am not sure I have ever seen a more honest CV!

  33. Hahaha, now this is what I call an on point and honest CV. Hands down to you or maybe a bottle of wine in the post lol