Wednesday, 21 September 2016
My Parenting/Friendship CV for the mums at the schoolgate
1985 - I may be 31 but in my head i'm still early 20's
Casa Del Norris
When it comes to being a mum I may not be Martha Stewart or Mary Poppins but what I will say is I know I am fantastic at it. I am not perfect and I don't always get it right but I know I am the best mum I can be.
I may not cook them healthy/nutritious meals everyday but at least they eat.
I may not be able to craft (even though I try, I really do), I seriously haven't got the patience for it but my pinterest profile is full of the most fantastic ideas so I have all the best intentions.
My house is a shit tip. Let's face it, with 2 adults, 2 small kids and a dog it is never going to be sparkling. It's messy but it's lived in!
I take pride in my appearance. Some days I am out of the house not only scrubbed, hair clean but I may have make up on but then there are somedays when you know to just look at me and don't even ask. They are known as 'child has had an epic tantrum days' and I may or may not be sipping wine out of my flask pretending it's tea. In fact I have a flask that says 'there's a rather large chance this is wine' on the front. You have been warned, so don't judge.
Speaking of appearance I may often be at the gate without a coat on. It'll probably be on the days when it's freezing or chucking it down with rain but that's because trying to get my child out of the house in the morning is sometimes as stressful as trying to take your drunk friend home from a night out. Honestly, the slowest, hardest thing ever. I spend so much time coaxing her out of the door (not that she doesn't want to go to school she's just fussy and obviously has to take a million and one insignificant things with her) that I forget anything I need. But hey, I made it out of the house with 2 kids in tow before 9am! What an achievement.
As a friend I am supportive, I will always be there for you if you need me. I think i'm rather funny, so if you ever need a good giggle and a cheering up session, you can always count on me to bring the fun.
I'm a good listener, if ever you want a talk, I am your woman.
Speaking of talking that is something I do a lot of. Quite often you find you won't be able to get a word in edgeways but I mean well so don't let that put you off. If ever there's awkward silences, I will be the one to break them.
I'm always on my phone (don't judge me) so I am free for what's app group messages of any kind especially the kind when you need some mum support and somewhere to vent in private!
Education, qualifications and Training History
Learning life skills since 1985
Parenting since 2013
Daughter age 3.5 also going on 18
2nd daughter aged 10 months
I can navigate myself around city centre shops or Aldi with a baby in a carrier, a trolley or a basket and a small child hanging off me somewhere.
I can work out where each child needs to be on a daily basis with the help of my diary, my calendar, my school diary (yes i have 2 diaries), my phone calendar and many, many lists.
Shit stains on a white rug? I am your gal. I can polish that out of there in no time. Complete expert at that. Red wine on the carpet? Once again you know who to call.
I'm not just an expert at stains, I can make clothes, toys and any other items vanish in 5 minutes (just don't look in my study when you come over).
Have you noticed your child has every emotion and feeling under the sun, pretty much every day. If i'd have taken a degree in this I would have come out with a first class honours with the amount of troubles I have to deal with. I can always manage to get a smile on their little faces though and make the baddies go away.
As previously mentioned, I may not give them home cooked food everyday but I am one hell of a batch cooker, I can dash to the supermarket in no time at all and pick something up and if all other efforts have failed then my freezer is never without a box of fish fingers.
I can read books, count to 10 in a couple of languages, sing and dance, teach life and social skills and I have a wonderful, creative imagination to make up stories on the spot.
I am solely responsible in taking my kids everywhere. However, on a night out never ask me to drive. I am never the driver! You'll understand why when you get to know me better.
I am the mum boss! Call me what you like, warrior, head of the tribe or leader of the pack. I run this house.
Punctual - I may be late for a date but hey I have 2 little kids. Just getting there is a bonus
Reliable - I genuinely am reliable. I will do anything for anyone. However, I tend to have a habit of answering texts in my head and not actually sending them so if I don't get back to you for a few days, give me a nudge and don't get offended.
Wine drinker - Yes I did just list this as a key skill. I have the ability to polish off a bottle in 10 minutes.
Confidence - If I put my mind to anything I can achieve it...eventually.
Dynamic - I get on with all sorts of people.
Initiative - I can take the initiative to arrange meet ups. If you want a mums night out, I can be on the case quicker than Usain Bolt can run 100 metres.
Hobbies and Interests
I love a playdate. Anything to keep me entertained whilst attempting to entertain the girls is a gift from above. This whole parenting thing can be very lonely at times and adult conversation is much needed.
Pass the Rioja and I shall drink it. If you need wine, I will be there with not 1 but 2 bottles in hand. I love the stuff. I'm very passionate about my reds and I have been known to drink on a school night. Shhhh don't tell.
I am a self proclaimed shopaholic. If you want to know where to get your next outfit for a special occasion or where is selling the nicest school shoes etc, come to me. I can shop till I drop.
I love the cinema. It's dark and perfect for a sneaky snooze. No seriously, I do love the cinema.
There is nothing I find more exciting than a mum date with no kids. Us mamas need to stick together and have some adult/me time for our own sanity.
Believe it or not but I do like exercise. If you need a fitness buddy, please take me. I need the support and motivation.
So there you have it mums. I hope my CV hasn't put you off and you are just like me?! I hope you accept my application to be your friend.