Saturday, 21 May 2016

The Weather - An Insight Into My PostNatal Depression


I wake up and the sky is clear. There isn't a cloud in the sky and the sun is shining. I feel its warmth wrap around my body and I smile.


As the day progresses I feel a change. There are suddenly hints of grey in the sky and the clouds begin to appear. I can sense there is a storm on the horizon. The wind starts to pick up and it circles around me like a full force tornado. I feel trapped. I can't escape its power. It's constantly circling around me. Around and around. Its strength keeps me from breaking free. I just want to get out. I feel scared.

Then comes the rain. The dreaded rain. It hammers down and I feel every hit. Every drop keeps hitting me. It runs down my face. A constant stream like a waterfall. I can't protect myself from it. I become frustrated.

What's that I hear? Rumbles or cracks. I feel confused. I hear it again. It keeps coming and going. It gets closer. The closer it gets the stronger I feel it. Now the storm is in its full glory. The thunder and lightening are battling each other. I can't concentrate. How can I make a decision on how to break free from the storm?

Now i'm angry. The storm is getting to me. It's attacking me from every angle and breaking me. The only way I can save myself from the storm is to hide. I withdraw from the outside world and I seek sanity in my own loneliness. Now it's just me in a room. I've escaped the storm. I close my eyes and tell myself tomorrow is another day.

When I open them I notice the storm has cleared. I look at the sky and it's bright blue. Everything is calm and quiet. It's almost serene. The sun is shining again. 
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41 comments:

  1. I don't have experience of PND and I can't begin to imagine what it's like, but I hope that you have the support of your friends and family xx

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  2. I had quite bad PND with my first child and it's really not a nice thing to deal with or be going through - hope you are surrounding yourself with positive people and getting support if you need it

    Laura x

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  3. What an honest and beautiful way to describe how you feel with PND. I have no experience with PND really but I did suffer from anorexia for about ten years so can relate to a lot of what you're describing. Hope you're ok lovey x

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  4. I haven't experience PND but I can imagine that it is like the weather - changing regularly x

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    1. Yes it changes all the time and is unpredictable x

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  5. I think this is such an amazing way to describe your PND, ive never had children and have therefore never had this, but I do hope you are okay xx

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  6. Oh hun - this is such an emotive way of describing PND - I had no idea you were suffering. Huge hugs to you. Kaz x

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  7. I've not had experiance of PND but have suffered from depression and it definitely feels similar to how to have been feeling. Such an honest way of describing what its like.

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  8. I did not have PND but I do suffer with depression and anxiety brought on my grief. Depression is such a hard, difficult rollercoaster of emotions. As you said one minute the skies are blue then the next the dark heavy cloud is there and everything is dark. But there is still a light at the end of the tunnel and you will get through it x

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  9. I've worked with people with PND, and if I did again I show them this post- it's so much like how I've heard it described but by using the weather as a guide it might just help someone realise how they are feeling. Thanks xxx

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    1. Thank you. That's very kind to hear. I was trying to show how unpredictable it is and how you can't plan for it x

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  10. I can not even imagine what it must be like to be to have PND but thanks for sharing. From what my SIL shared its a rollecoaster of different emotions

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  11. I have no experience of this myself and this is a really lovely insight, I hope that doesn't sound too horrible. I wish you all the best

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  12. I think you have got this spot on Kerry. It can hit at any time, sometimes without warning. My mummy used to let the feelings wash over her, sweep her away from loved ones and drop her off on a desert island. She used to look at the wreckage that the storm left in its wake - like a tsunami. Such a powerful post xx There is a light hunny xx

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  13. I struggled with PND with my first 3 children but I can promise that there is light at the end of the tunnel and it is something that can be beaten xx

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  14. I struggled with PMD and I found it quite crippling to be honest. I still have days. This I can totally relate to. It does get better, the fog and storm lifts and you end up having more sunnier days than rain. Your right, after the whole storm everything is calm and serene. I use to find myself wondering why it all happened.

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  15. I know people who struggled with PND. It gets better xo

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  16. Such a great way to express how it is for you, I think so many people would relate to it. I hope you are ok X

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  17. You've just described how I feel most days... I've never been diagnosed with PND but I have often wondered if maybe it's the case. Some days I get to the end of the day and I just want to sleep but I know I'll be on rinse repeat the next day. H x

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  18. You described depression to a T, it can feel like storm clouds are brewing and there is no way out! I loved your poem/prose x

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  19. I didn't have PND, but have had depression and anorexia in the past. This is a very clever and insightful metaphor for depression. (Lucy/R is for Hoppit)

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  20. What a fabulous symbolic piece. Thanks for sharing. I can relate to this and see how hard times are like rain and storms beating upon us. I love that the rainbow comes at the end! Angela from Daysinbed

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  21. I can not imagine what it is like to live with PND however your analogy is brilliant and definitely helps me to understand more. I am sure this will help many others too xx

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  22. I've not experienced PND or depression, but this sounds like a really good way to describe it.

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  23. Kerry, this is a beautiful post. It's so simple but really gets across how you're feeling. I didn't know you suffered with PND - I hope you've got the support you need from your beautiful family to get through it.
    Alana xx

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  24. What a beautiful and honest post - thank you.

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  25. I've never experienced PND but I can imagine how horrible it must be. Sending you some positive energy over the world wide web.

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  26. I have PND. You've just described how I feel so perfectly.

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  27. I had a bit of PND when I had my son, hated it so much! You're post is great described how I was feeling! x

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  28. I haven't experienced PND, but my friend has so I have an idea what it must feel like.
    http://lilinhaangel.com/

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  29. Wow this must have been so hard to share and I really appreciate that you did. I can't imagine suffering PND after having given birth to a beautiful child. Glad you shared to help others. The Blonde B

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  30. What a beautiful way to describe how it feels when you have PND. Just remember it won't last forever!

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  31. Wow u got it in one. You've just described everyday life, It's the worst feeling in the world and reading others reactions to this gives me hope that one day things will become "normal" again xxx

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  32. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way too. You can always email me if you would like to talk x

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  33. Post natal depression is an awful illness, I hope you are coming through the other side, people do get better with the right medication and counselling.

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  34. I still struggle now 18 months on with PND and this is exactly how it feels. It's not easy but I know in time I will get there X

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  35. I still struggle now 18 months on with PND and this is exactly how it feels. It's not easy but I know in time I will get there X

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