Sunday, 1 November 2015

Pregnancy thoughts and emotions - Inside Out

As my pregnancy draws to a close, I've been reflecting on how it has gone and how I've been feeling. It got me thinking about my hormones and how they've toyed with my thoughts and emotions and how much of a nightmare they really are. It's been a roller coaster of highs and lows and ups and downs. There's been days when I've been excited and happy and then there's been days when I've been angry and ridiculously unhappy. Whilst talking to the hubby about it, I started laughing as it reminded me a lot of the Disney film 'Inside Out' and how at times, we have no control over how we think or feel.

Joy - This is the first emotion I felt when finding out I was pregnant. I couldn't have been happier. I was excited! You couldn't stop me smiling. I also felt a lot of joy when telling people I was pregnant. It's such nice news to share with people. I felt it at the scans i've had. I then felt it quite a lot during the second trimester when I had more energy and generally felt pretty good. I've experienced it when seeing my daughter talking about her sister. The smallest of things make me cry with joy and happiness. But needless to say when there are ups...then come the downs.



Sadness - This emotion is non stop during pregnancy. One minute your happy as Larry and the next you are breaking down in tears of sadness and more often than not you have no idea why. It's totally uncontrollable and you feel helpless and pathetic. I have probably cried at least 5 days of the week since being pregnant. The smallest of things make me sad such as being too tired to play with my daughter, not having any ice cubes ready (to curb my cravings), not having a cuddle from my husband. The list is endless. I have felt sorry for my hubby and daughter as they try and cheer me up when i'm sad but they can't. 



Fear - There is so much to fear during your pregnancy. In the first trimester you fear losing the baby and you fear pregnancy side effects. The rest of it is then spent fearing child birth etc. For me personally, I have a massive fear of child birth again. I had such a horrible experience of it before that I fear the same will happen again. This is one emotion I can't seem to shake off. I also fear that I won't be able to be a good mum to 2 children. I fear I will lose my best friend bond with my daughter. I fear that I will let her down as I can't be there enough for her when the new baby arrives. I fear not being able to afford to be on maternity leave with 2 children. I also fear stupid, small things like the food shop! Overtime I come to do it, I worry about going into labour or how am I gonna carry everything! I've made a mental note to start online shopping from now on. 


Anger - Now this is a funny emotion. You don't think you'd ever be angry during such a wonderful time but when volcano Kerry erupts, I sure erupt and as with sadness, most of the time I have no rational reason as to why I am angry. The hubby and my daughter have taken the hit of most of this emotion which then makes me angry at myself. I feel like I don't have any patience and completely lose my rag with them at the smallest of things. I then hate myself for making them upset. When my daughter looks at me when i've shouted at her, I completely melt and sadness and disgust kick in. 


Disgust - As I just mentioned disgust normally kicks in immediately after anger or sadness. I end up feeling like the smallest person on earth (i'm only 5 foot anyway lol). I feel like the worst person on earth. The worst mother on earth. The worst wife on earth. I look at myself in the mirror and i'm disgusted at myself and the behaviour I have shown. I question how I could upset my daughter over nothing! That then leads to questioning how I'm going to cope with 2 children and guess what I then end up sad and in deep fear and the whole circle of emotions start again.


I've wrote this post and likened it to 'Inside Out' to try and highlight to myself and anyone else that we really don't have any control over how we think and feel during pregnancy. Those 5 little characters are up inside our head, toying with everything. We can't beat ourselves up over how we think, feel or behave, it's just a fact of life. We're all good parents no matter what we think and we're not alone in feeling so pants.

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15 comments:

  1. This is a really good way of explaining the way hormones seem to take over our bodies and mind thoughts in pregnancy, seriously I remember crying at everything it got daft at times, not only sad films, happy films, even comedy on the tv I would be crying and my partner would not know what to do with me, he struggled, so I just asked him to cuddle me, then I would tell him to get off as suddenly I didn't want a cuddle, blowing hot and cold, I remember those moments well, if only we could control it all, but then maybe life would not be as colourful as it is sometimes.
    Great post, thanks for sharing, Sadie

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  2. Aw well I can't say I've experienced pregnancy yet! But it does look like quite an adventure in itself! It will be so worth it though! I'm so excited for you :) I think it's amazing how a tiny human can grow inside you, it's crazy!

    Good luck with the end of your pregnancy and bringing your little bundle of joy into the world! Xxx

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  3. It is a rollercoaster isn't it with all those characters in our heads! Good luck with everything x

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  4. I love the way you've highlighted how hormones affect us when pregnant. I remember when I was pregnant with my eldest and I honestly felt like I was going crazy sometimes, I had no control over my moods or weepiness. I guess it's just part of the whole experience but that doesn't make it any easier!

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  5. They should have a character for "hangry" because being hungry all the time, like you are when you are pregnant can evoke these mood shifts too. I remember how awful it felt to be hungry, but too nauseous to eat.

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  6. This is a great way to describe pregnancy hormones! I was a little crazy when I was pregnant with my second and an emotional wreck haha x

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  7. I haven't seen inside out but I can relate to this post! Pregnancy is a crazy ride!! x

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  8. Love this post! I felt every emotion possible during my pregnancies. Your baby will soon be here, how exciting! Kaz x

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  9. I think I am still going through a lot of these emotinos tehe but yes, you have hit the nail on the head because hormones muck around with our 'normal' system so much that when pregnant we have no chance to reign it all in... it sounds like you are handling it all so well though, and don't overthink the birth... I had a bad first time experience and second time around it was done and dusted in no time... a bit like pregnancy, no two births are the same... now you've gone and made me broody gah xxxx

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  10. Women go through so many different emotions in pregnancy. it's a scary but also a joyful time!

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  11. This post is spot on! I have very similar fears as I am pregnant with my second. I am so close with my daughter right now and I definitely worry about how our relationship will change when the new baby comes. I get really anxious when thinking about it. I also worry about not paying enough attention to the new baby because I'll want to preserve the bond with my daughter. Pregnancy is such a whirlwind of hormones and emotions! Ugh!

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  12. This is a really clever post. I really enjoyed it.
    I felt angry then happy a lot of time when I was pregnant too - it's those hormones wreaking havoc.
    And hungry... maybe I was more like the seven dwarves?! xxx

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  13. I haven't seen the Disney film but I loved the way you explained everything. We can't control our hormones but one thing is certain Love..there is enough for every child you have, having two doesn't diminish the bond or love you have for your first. Your second is different but just as wonderful and you will make a bond between the two of you.
    I hope your labour goes well. Best wishes.
    Sally

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  14. Love this post Kerry, so honest of you! Emotions really take over during pregnancy. I am so sensitive, I keep crying at any slightly romantic, emotional song on the radio! I am so excited for you, not long to go now! Hope you are doing ok and you will be a fantastic mummy to two, I just know it xxx

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  15. Oh goodness, yes, emotions all over the place during pregnancy and breastfeeding. Funny how it takes over our body in ways you wouldn't imagine! I still think my emotions are heightened and my youngest is now 20 months old! x

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